


It's the Wayne Family

by CallMeAJ



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Addams Family Fusion, Cryptid Batkids, Gen, cryptid batfam, cryptid batman, i'll add more tags as i go on, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeAJ/pseuds/CallMeAJ
Summary: In which Bruce is weird but he's a Wayne and that explains why.
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne & His Kids, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 30
Kudos: 365





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... yeah, Addams!Bruce Wayne because why not?  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆ Canon? What’s canon? *✲ﾟ*｡⋆  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆ Timeline? What timeline? *✲ﾟ*｡⋆  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆ OOC, OOC everywhere! *✲ﾟ*｡⋆  
> Also, I tried to make Bruce as Brucie as possible because I believe if he were an Addams, that’s most probably his personality.

Being taken in by Gotham’s local celebrity, Bruce Wayne, was an experience for Dick. Sure, he expected that being taken in by the billionaire playboy that he was going to be exposed to whatever lifestyle the man had that made sense to no one else but himself, but even Dick wasn’t really sure what to think of it.

And it was entirely because of the man himself was why he was living his life in a constant expectation that one day, Bruce was going to give him a heart attack.

It hadn’t even been a week before he’d been taken in by the man and he was pretty sure that seeing him walking around with a sabre sticking out of his chest wasn’t normal and would generally end up killing a person from, you know, being stabbed.

How were you even supposed to react to someone having a something stuck through their chest and that certain someone acting as if nothing was wrong?

“Uh,” he started, unsure of what to say as his hand stayed frozen in air, mid-action just as he was taking a scoop of his cereal. “Bruce? Are you okay?”

Bruce looks at Dick absent-mindedly, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot and raised a questioning eyebrow at him, making no indication that he was pained or even felt the thing sticking out of his torso as if it was all just Dick’s imagination.

And maybe it was, Dick thought, maybe he just couldn’t move on from having to watch his parent’s death and he was just having hallucinations of Bruce getting killed because he was the closest father-figure he had now. Aside from Alfred, of course, but he was more like a grandfather, to be honest.

So, deciding to just ignore this, he shakes his head and shovels the cereal in his mouth, pretending that everything was fine in the world and the sabre sticking out of Bruce’s chest was either a hallucination of his own mind’s unwillingness to move on from his parent’s death or just a prop and Bruce was playing a prank on him (as cruel as a prank it sounded after watching your parents plummet to their death if it even was one).

** X **

Okay, maybe sneaking out on his own to investigate the murder of his parents wasn’t the best of ideas Dick could’ve made. Though he did like living leisurely in the Wayne manor, he still can’t rest knowing that his parents’ murderer was still out there, doing god knows what and destroying more people’s life.

He just didn’t expect he’d stumble into _the_ Batman _itself_.

Batman was practically a well-known myth in Gotham and no one’s even sure of what _it_ was or if _it_ was even real.

From what Dick has heard from the citizens of Gotham, Batman was an immortal, wasn’t even a human anyway, and no could kill it. Knives, bullets, even bombs, for heaven’s sake!

The thing always came out unscathed and no worse for wear, apprehending the criminals with vicious speed and accuracy and leaving them unconscious and bound in the streets of Gotham to be found by the GCPD.

And Batman, in the flesh or whatever it had, was exactly in front of Dick.

“Curious bird, curious bird,” it sang in a singsong tune, sounding ominous as it did. “Haven’t you heard?”

Dick found himself opening his mouth, “What?”

Batman looms over him, leaning in with a smile too wide for its face and the shadows creeping around it slowly, silently.

_"You’re grounded.”_

Suffice to say that no matter how brave Dick was for trying to investigate something that he knew could harm (or kill) him, he was still a kid and having a giant bat-man-whatever looming over you with the widest smile on their face while tilting their head to the side too much that it looked very _wrong and broken_ was still scary.

Dick fainted.

** X **

“You’re Batman?!”

Dick exclaimed once he saw Bruce walking towards him, cowl down and a goofy smile when he woke up in the Batcave the next day. The billionaire didn’t even hide it as he merrily laughed and winked at his ward.

The child looked at Bruce in disbelief. The contrast from Batman the Gotham Cryptid and Bruce the billionaire was too much! Did he just imagine the inhumane creature last night? Bruce was too... well, too emotive! He was the definition of a walking, talking safety hazard who didn’t know they were a safety hazard but was trying their best to help people while Batman was a... a force of nature that brought justice for others who couldn’t do it themselves while at the same time being creepy and mysterious enough that people even questioned if he existed.

And now he found out that Bruce was actually Batman. Bruce who didn’t seem to have any creepy bone in his body but did occasionally have weird hobbies like telling bizarre stories of his childhood about wrestling bears or wolves, or losing a limb or two, or claiming the cookies he was insistent on finishing alone wasn’t allowed for Dick because it had arsenic in it.

“Though, I do admire your bravery to investigate on your own, you’re still grounded.” He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard this.

“What?!”

Bruce nodded good-naturedly, not minding Dick’s outburst, “I talked about it with Alfred and grounding you is the most appropriate thing in situations like this. You’re to stay inside the mansion while I continue investigating about the murder.”

Dick shook his head, looking defiantly at Bruce. “No way! I won’t do it! I want in on what you’re doing!”

He really did. He wanted to help Bruce fight crime if it meant preventing other people from having to go through what he did. Not only that but he can’t let Bruce out there alone. He knows someday he’ll need help and that’s why he needed a sidekick, someone he knows he can depend and have his back.

Bruce sighed, shaking his head. “Dick, I’m doing this for your well-being. Gotham’s filled with crime and I can’t let you get hurt because I let you with me! You’re not a Wayne like me, you’re more vulnerable!”

_“Then teach me how to protect myself so I won’t be!”_

In the end, Dick had actually managed to make Bruce agree with him! He didn’t even know how but it happened and Bruce had actually hired a _contortionist_ to help Dick improve his flexibility while he taught his ward offensive and defensive tactics.

Though, Dick was a bit worried when Bruce led him into the manor’s library and eagerly handed him a couple of books with questionable titles, namely, “How to Permanently Incapacitate Someone in 3 Easy Steps”, “Ways to Kill People with a Smile”, “They Can’t Put You in Prison if They Can’t Prove You Did It 101”, and “Jails and Prisons: They Can’t Hold You Forever”.

** X **

“Master Bruce.”

“Alfred.”

“Master Bruce...”

“Alfred...”

“Master Bruce,” Alfred sighs in resignation, dryly stating, “I believe you asked me the proper ways to take care of a child as opposed to the Wayne way.”

“Yes...”

“And how did Master Richard manage to join your, how to say, vigilante activities?”

“He had _very_ interesting points.”

Alfred gave him an unimpressed look and Bruce caved in.

“Okay, fine!” Bruce sulked before his eyes lightened up. “His determination. It was like I was facing the same vicious bear I wrestled when I was two and it moved me! You don’t see that much more in today’s youth! And what more, even if I did continue with the plan to ground him, he’ll find ways to get out on his own. He might not be a Wayne, Alfred, but he has the making of one!”

Alfred wasn’t bothered by Bruce’s words and just sighed again. He knew that Master Richard was vulnerable but he wasn’t weak. And Bruce clearly knew that, too.

“Well, as long as the two of you stay safe out there, Master Bruce.”

Bruce raised an amused eyebrow at Alfred who had the beginning of a smile on his face, “Me? Safe?”

“Ah, my mistake, let me rephrase that, as long as Master Richard stays safe while you stay in constant danger, Master Bruce.”

Bruce just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s surprisingly a lack of content for Addams!Bruce Wayne y’all. Just imagine what you can do with all that.  
> Wayne manor? Huge, gothic and dark, with Alfred the only one brave enough to work there.  
> Talks of Bruce and the usual things he does but like, picture him bungee jumping and the cord broke but he survived and reporters ask him what it was like and he’s just, “Well, it was an unexpected surprise but it wasn’t unpleasant! I’d try it again.” And everyone just chalk up his weirdness as a rich person thing.  
> Also, he becomes a cryptid as Batman because he can’t exactly die by normal means and criminals are just terrified of him.


	2. Cryptids, Cryptids everywhere!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Barbara becomes Batgirl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have stated it before and I will state it again, canon and timeline who?  
> Mostly because I’m basing how I interpret the characters acting with each other and their relationships from other fanfictions and through fact-checking in wiki. I honestly don’t how many reboots and universes there are and it’s confusing.  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆ Enjoy!*✲ﾟ*｡⋆

Although the idea of crashing a costume ball was just a means of spiting her dad, Barbara somehow found herself intervening a kidnapping attempt on one Bruce Wayne by a super villain named Killer Moth. But she knew this wasn’t the time to hesitate and quickly took action as Batgirl.

As she jumps in to fight off the villains and give the billionaire time to get away, she didn’t see the way said billionaire look at her approvingly as he slinks away.

The next thing she knew, _the_ Batman itself arrives and helps her take out the criminals. She couldn’t help but look at the Gotham cryptid in awe. She knew it existed when she happened to eavesdrop on a conversation between her father and the creature itself but to see it all in its full glory was still astonishing.

And a while later, when Killer Moth and his underlings escaped, Batman tried to persuade her from becoming a crime-fighter, we all know too well how that went with Dick.

He didn’t stand a chance against her.

** X **

“Master Bruce...”

“Alfred...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Okay, well, you see, I tried and I failed.”

“Clearly, Master Bruce.”

“Oh, come on, she had the same resolve as Dick, I can tell you that. She wouldn’t leave crime-fighting just because I told her to.” Bruce sulked before pondering. “In fact, I have a feeling both Robin and Batgirl would probably commit mutiny first than leave their superhero mantle permanently. Honestly, the only I can do is train them until they become strong enough on their own.”

Alfred raised a brow at this but didn’t question him any further. God knows how many years he’s been in the Wayne family and how much he’s endured the family dynamics. “And her suit, Master Bruce?”

The billionaire raised his hands in the air in a calm manner, “She needed all the protection she can get. Her suit’s designed to be as flexible and easy to move in as possible while also resistant to harm, like Dick’s.” Bruce then sighed exasperatedly and continued. “Now, if only I can get Dick to wear pants instead of shorts, that would be great.”

Alfred nodded with him, opening his mouth. “The same can be said to you and your not-at-all resistant suit, Master Bruce.”

Bruce shrugged, a grin overtaking his features. “Hey, no one needs to know that.”

Alfred just shakes his head, the corner of his lips curved upward.

** X **

Although Barbara didn’t really expect Batman to actually just be a person wearing a suit that was likened to a bat, she always thought it was a small possibility. He kind of did have the well-known cryptid’s repeatedly reported qualities like having relation to bats (obviously), morbid, and very peculiar.

The billionaire was more eccentric **_eccentric_** even for other eccentric people’s taste, telling morbid stories that she wasn’t really sure was true or not, referencing to bats every chance he can and laughing at it as if he had an inside joke to himself, and trouble always chased after him like the fact that it’s the fourth time he’d been held ransom this week. (Or he was the one chasing after trouble? She really wasn’t sure.)

He was too friendly and trusting and she actually got invited to his mansion to hang out with Dick if she wanted. She wondered if the man wasn’t worried that she might sell his secret identity to the criminals and then realize that from what she has heard and observed from him that, yes, he wasn’t worried at all, which was concerning.

She wondered how he survived as Batman until now.

** X **

On a beautiful day like any other when she finally decided to stay over the mansion for the first time, she was greeted by the sight of a very bloody Bruce at breakfast. It looked like as if he went to hell and back again.

She gaped at the older man, unable to form any words and looked over towards Dick for any reaction.

“Good morning, B!” He greeted him cheerfully as if all was right in the world. Bruce grunted like a zombie in return as he slowly walked towards the coffee pot. Dick noticed Barbara looking at him incredulously. “Yeah, Babs?”

Barbara gestured to Bruce and then towards his shirt. Dick blinked and looked at Bruce again, finally noticing his state.

“ _Oh_...” He let out before turning back to Barbara and laughing. “Bruce likes to do that sometimes...” He paused and added. “I think.”

Barbara stared at Dick, who casually went back to eating, blankly for a few seconds before turning towards Alfred, just as he was placing a tray of freshly toasted bread on the table.

“Is this normal?”

Alfred, without hesitation, nodded. “Yes, Miss Barbara.”

“... _Is Mr. Wayne okay_?”

With the same unhesitating tone as earlier, “Yes, he is, Miss Barbara.”

It really didn’t answer much of Barbara’s question and only created more question but at least she knew what she needed to know and she would’ve asked more question if only she wasn’t hungry along that she was too tired from staying up late last night from patrol.

She shrugged her shoulder and took a piece of toast from her plate. Maybe she’ll ask Bruce about it later.

** X **

Later never came and it was promptly thrown away to the back of her mind as she had more pressing priorities like, how to achieve cryptid status like both Batman and Robin did. Courtesy of Dick, who asked her if she was going to join them in their ongoing theme and that got her thinking.

Batman was already the famous local cryptid of Gotham. Everyone already knew it was impossible to kill and it wasn’t human with the way it effortlessly blends into the shadows and disappears in it.

However, the creature by Batman’s side was a boy who was quite the opposite of Batman. His clothes were bright, having the colors of the traffic light and he always had a cheerful smile on his face. With how the boy look and acted, you would’ve thought, however did he achieve cryptid status with such features? Well, if it wasn’t for his contortionist acts and for his costume being splattered in dry blood, as well as his smile that didn’t seem to tone down and was _way_ too cheerful, he wouldn’t probably be considered a cryptid by now.

The first criminals who encountered him were reported to be in total hysterics when they first encountered the boy, Robin. They said as they had just finished robbing the bank and were running into an alleyway that they saw the twisted and mangled form of the boy ahead of them. They even thought the child himself was dead with what blood they could see from him until they suddenly heard a high-pitched giggle coming from him as the boy’s head shot up, staring at them with white eyes and too wide smile on his face. His body started to untwist accompanied with the disturbing sound of the cracking and snapping of his bones like it was trying to place itself back as to how it was originally before. The criminals were petrified in their spots. The child staggered towards them in a slow and weird manner, like that of a zombie, before screeching loudly in a bird-like coo and dashed forward. The next thing the criminals knew, they were already in the hands of the police.

No one has landed a shot at the new creature because before those _very few,_ who had somehow managed to gather their courage to even think of raising a gun at Robin and shooting him, Batman always manifested behind them to take them down, furthering the idea that the Bat was _very_ protective of the boy and harming the boy in any way would only serve to enrage the bat. No one has ever seen the bat enraged and the criminals were sure they don’t want to be on the receiving end of its fury.

Although Robin looked human, other people has considered him to be another creature of his own. Many theorize that he was the spirit of a vengeful child who wanted to bring justice to what happened to him and the proof was his blood-stained clothes and mangled body. Others speculate that he was just that way because Batman created him with its own morbid mind. At the end of the day, no one truly knows.

That’s why Barbara wanted a cryptid status of her own. Not only were criminals hesitant to attack and were more likely to run away from her, making it easier to catch them, she also like the way how the Gotham citizens try to explain the existence of the cryptids and it was terribly amusing.

She smiled as she told Bruce if he minded if she jumped in the cryptid bandwagon, which he didn’t really mind. In fact, he looked quite happy at the idea.

And lo and behold, a week later, a new cryptid that was connected to Batman surfaced. It was said that this cryptid was unlike the other two. Although she did fight alongside Batman and Robin, she also had her own modus operandi. Even though she did show herself for the first time when she fought of Killer Moth, her official debut as a cryptid happened when a criminal somehow managed to successfully escape them one night and fled to the comforts of their home. Though, as they tried to use their phone, it kept glitching before turning to static. From behind the screen, they could faintly see the faint of outline of a bat and a choppy voice trying to call out to them. The criminal was startled and threw their phone away on the ground with a clatter. The criminal realize, then, that they could hear someone outside their window, tapping on the glass slowly. They quickly whip their head towards its direction only to find nothing but darkness and chalked it up as their imagination. Still, a sense of paranoia stayed with them so they quickly scrambled to the window to lock it and ran around their house frantically to secure and close any unlocked windows and doors properly. Just then, there was a sudden power outage.

The criminal realized too late that Batgirl was already inside their house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the batsuit is just a normal suit that looks like a bat and has no other feature to it other than menace criminals. I like to think Addams!Bruce just puts in some padding to make it look like he’s wearing a bullet resistant suit (and that’s a must seeing all the criminals with guns in Gotham) to Dick and Barbara and generally everyone else but in reality, nothing’s really protecting him from the outside forces. His armor is literally his own body.  
> Also, yeah, Dick got immune to Bruce’s weirdness that he doesn’t question it anymore. Barbara’s on her way there. None of them have figured out that Bruce has some weird bloodline thing yet.  
> Also also, I headcanon Barbara as part of the family because Bruce can never adopt enough children.  
> Also also also, yes, they all have their own modus operandi. Batman just appears out of nowhere or pops out of the shadows, Robin’s style is more eye-catching with his contortionist act, and Batgirl’s is scare through technology and then strike.  
> Also, finally, how does the batfam refer to each other? I’m really confused since I couldn’t really see much of how the characters interact like Alfred and Barbara. Does Alfred call them girls “Miss” or something else?


End file.
